Adulting Successfully
I'm at a stage where I'm expected to be a responsible adult, to have my life together and somewhat figured out. The pressure comes from both young and old; like when a 16 year old comes to you for advise and you panic for a second *I aint got the answers Sway*. An aunty at Church actually said to me today "when are you going to get married? I already had 2 children at 25" *pause for awkward silence*
It's funny because as a kid, I used to look at 21, 25 and 30 year old as demigods and goddesses. I thought they had it all figured out, they seemed so zen on the outside, like they were in control. Now that I've reached that stage, I know it couldn't be further from the truth even if Pinocchio told it without a growth spurt.
And I know I'm not alone in feeling like this, you're also probably in that phase where most of your friends have all graduated, are doing their masters, or seem to be swiftly climbing up the career ladder in their chosen field. Or maybe they're getting married or newly married, while you're made to feel like you're behind in life for making ramen noodles your balanced diet and pushing laundry day for yet another week.
Whilst you may not be at the same stage your parents were when they were your age, don't be disheartened, let's take joy in the ways you do manage to adult successfully and discuss how you can do it better.
According to independent, if you actually manage to meal prep, hold a job, do your laundry (on time), separate your colour from your whites, pay your bills, pay taxes, floss your teeth, take care of a plant for more than a week, actually own your own cookware, save and or follow a budget, and the most telling one, you now say "kids of nowadays" then you're already halfway there.
But to take it one step further, if you're still waking up, getting out of bed and grinding each day, I say you're doing a good job. It all starts with not comparing your behind the scenes with someone else's highlight reel. I'm fortunate enough to have met a lot of celebrities in my line of work, and when the microphone is turned down and the lights and camera and go off, they're just like you and me. They have drama and issues just like we do! The difference is their highlights are on a stage for the world to see.
But I get it, it's hard, sometimes you just want to write a letter to whoever is in charge of adulting and tell them "conductor, o wa o, I'm not doing again" you want to quit; below are some tips to help you on the journey of adulting successfully.
Spend time with yourself - Amidst all the buzz of "living life" it's easy to sway whichever way the wind blows: to take on other people's likes and dislikes, from music to stance on politics and blending in with the masses. But it's important to get to know who YOU are, what you want, what you need, how you feel and what you stand for. Silence the background noise and spend time getting to know yourself.
Find A Tribe - We're all on this journey of adulting together, don't let the perfectly scripted lies that people and social media tell you. No matter how you're feeling right now, I guarantee that there is someone else that is going through or has gone through the same thing. Find those people. You probably already have them in your life, they're your shoulder to cry on, the ones who give you a pep talk when you need it, the ones who pray for you. That's your tribe, stick with them!
Treat yourself - I love a good pampering session, as hard as I work, those moments when I get to pause and treat myself is NECESSARY. It's important to take some time out and take care of yourself, prayer/meditation/exercise in the morning is a good way to start out, as it helps clear the mind and leaves you in a positive space. Go for a walk at lunch time or listen to a song that makes you really happy. I like to read a book and or write before grabbing a bite; and almost everyday I listen to afro-pop and have one woman parties whenever the mood strikes, you should see me dancing to afro-pop on the street. Get a manicure or a massage, go to a comedy or theatre show, whatever helps you feel better about yourself, do it.
Set goals and accomplish them - We often stress when we have set these huge standards for ourselves and we can't meet it. Don't use other people's yardsticks to measure your journey, define what success is for you. It might be getting through a full week without eating out, or using your gifts and talents to make a few extra bucks. Those little victories add up.
Define what your goals are, break them down into S.M.A.R.T tasks and then go ahead and smash those. If your goal is to buy a house, realise that it's not going to happen overnight, set tasks that will help you accomplish that goal like paying your bills on time, strengthening your credit score, and saving for a down payment.
Realise that life is unpredictable and you don't always have to have it all together. You will make mistakes, you will get it wrong, but that's O.K. The fact that you're no longer where you used to be is a testimony and should be a reassurance that it will get better, after all you're only just getting started.